Thursday, March 10, 2011

Please Don’t Be Offended When I Say You’re a Little Weird

I think there are different types of “weird”.

First there is “normal weird”:
The people who are “normal weird” wear regular clothes, but occasionally act goofy and say some things that don’t make any sense. They like mainstream bands because they’re not all into the music scene. They don’t know how to be individuals because they think they’ll be cool if they like what everyone else does. It doesn’t help that they don’t have a snobby niche of friends like “indie weird” people to tell them what they like.

Which brings us too… “indie weird”:
These are the people who like listening to horrible music because no one else does. They tend to despise the “normal weird” people for being too, well, normal. Also, they like brewing their own beer and/or reading poetry and being depressing. “Indie weird” is the new improved (and more stylish!) “emo weird”. They enjoy trying to be different without realizing that they’ve forced themselves to enjoy things that no one in their right mind would enjoy... Like modern art. Saying that they are “indie” is no longer cool.

Then there is “emotional weird” (not to be confused with “emo weird”):
The people who are “emotionally weird” are the ones who get offended because you forgot to say hi to them, and the ones you can never end a phone call with. You’re like, “Um, I gotta go,” and they’re like, “No you don’t, you’re just trying to get rid of me.” “Ha,” you reply back, “No, no, really, I have to go.” This escalates for about four minutes, until you’re fed up, and finally say, “Alright, man, I’m hanging up in like two seconds,” and as you press the “end call” button, they’re still talking.

Then there is “hick weird”:
I hate saying the word “hick” because it has bad connotations. Maybe “country weird” would be better? In any case, these people can’t see past the edges of their city and are confused as to how the world works. In their defense, I think everyone is confused about how the world works (including me). They believe in Capitalism but aren’t sure why and say things like “If the government tries to take my guns, I’ll shoot the government,” without realizing that most people who say this have never had the government try to do so. They like watching Glenn Beck and Bill O’reilly, and get politically involved with the Republican Party.

Then there is “Christian weird”:
These are the people who are all things Christian. They wear NOTW (Not of This World) t-shirts and have the Jesus fish on the back of their car, along with a bumper sticker that says, "Smile, God Loves You!" Turn on their stereo, and Tenth Avenue North or Casting Crowns will be playing. They buy these mints, but they aren’t just any mints. They’re called “Testa-mints”. Apparently they taste better than regular mints because they were made by a Christian company, and Christian companies make their mints "to the glory of God."

There are definitely more “weirds” out there, including (but not limited to) the “stuck in the seventies weird” and the “socially incapable weird” and the “ex-girlfriends who still want to hang out with you, even though they broke up with you weird”, but there’s not enough time to go over all of them.

If I made you angry, just know I don’t really care, and you can shove it in your pipe and smoke it!

Just kidding!!!! No, mostly I was making things much worse than they really are (it was all in fun!).

Know that I was definitely poking fun at myself as well!

I don’t even know what “being myself” is, I like a lot of “indie” music and I think brewing beer would actually be fun. I do like the second amendment, and I like listening to both Glenn Beck and Bill O’reilly. I tend towards the conservative side of politics, and I like Tenth Avenue North. You can absolutely make mints for God’s glory (!); I just think the idea of a Christian mint company is silly. I guess this makes me multiple types of “weird”... Or else you think I'm the “overly critical judgmental no fun to be around weird”. But hey, that’s a lot more interesting than being normal, right?

So please don’t be offended when I say you’re a little weird (strange, odd, bizarre, peculiar, creepy, unusual).

In fact, let’s be weird together!

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