Friday, March 4, 2011

Accents Aren't Fair

At concerts, people shriek in delight at whatever the artist says. It doesn’t matter what they say; if they sound excited, people are happy. It’s like when you’re talking to a dog. Dogs only know voice tone, so they’re happy if you sound happy. “You stupid dog, you’re so dumb,” you say, but you sound excited saying it, and the dog wags its tail and happily hangs his slobbery tongue awkwardly out the left side of his mouth. I used to do that to my dog when I was like, seven years old. But when we get older, artists do it to us. Lame. People look funny when their tongues hang out of their mouths. 
It’s not fair when artists have accents (English, Irish, Scottish), because they have automatic advantages. Here are a few:

1.       I’ve never met someone who didn’t like hearing an accent.
2.      Their lyrics seem (are?) more interesting. Maybe profound is a better word.
3.      They sound funny when they swear. Americans sound like they’re trying too hard.

I wonder if English people think American accents are sexy…

You should read this post over again, but this time read it with an English accent. I'm almost sure I'll sound smarter (funnier, better?); and I’m completely okay with having an aura of fake intelligence. If I don't sound smarter (funnier, better?), I'm sorry you read this twice.  

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